An Oklahoma farm wife called the local phone company
to report her
telephone failed to
ring when her friends called
and that on the few occasions, when it did ring,
her dog always moaned right
before the phone rang.
The telephone
repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see
this psychic dog or senile lady.
He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set,
and dialed
the subscriber's
house.
The phone didn't ring right away,
but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to
ring.
Climbing down from
the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground
wire
with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire
connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was
receiving 90 volts of ringing current
when the number was called.
4. After a couple of
jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit,
thus causing the phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed
by pissing and moaning.
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich
behind him.
The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns
to the
ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order.
"That will be
$13.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and
pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the
man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."
The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Again, the man
reaches into
his pocket and pays with the exact change.
This routine continues for the next several days.
Then, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the
waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have the Maine
Lobster, baked
potato and a Caesar salad," says the man.
"Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That
will be $62.82."
Once again, the man pulls the exact change out of his
pocket and
places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.
"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come
up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning
the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a
Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish
was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just
put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money
would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people
would ask for a
million dollars or something, but you'll always be as
rich as you
want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls
Royce, the
exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was
for a tall
chick with really long legs and a big ass who would
agree with everything I say."
